I have written on my previous blog about the things I have noticed from watching my self dance, and the benefits of analysing it. However, that was all from practical side of view.
So, Today I would like to discuss how watching my self on video effected my general professional life.
Well, it is like a personal confession!
The field of profession I am in; performing arts, we all work hard everyday to get better, or deeper our understanding towards our profession. That is good and very normal, right?
However, we can not forget that we are in a very competitive field; only few jobs and places for hundreds of us! As I mentioned, we all work hard to make our self better, but, instead, some people choose to work hard on bringing other people down instead of work hard to make them self better :(
Everyone knows that, and that is clearly wrong things to do as a decent human being. There are no excuses. However, when I see how the performing arts world functions, I some times feel like that is only natural for people to start act that way. I am not saying that, that is right or correct action to choose. However, end of the day it is just we love our self and we put our self in front of rest of the people to survive, that is our nature. We all make sure of that subconsciously, that is how we all survived till now.
However, we all discussed about TIT for TAT on WBS3002, we all know and learned the benefits of it and how stupid not to communicate with others and help each other.
To me, the real benefit of watching my self on video was The Realisation.
It all started from my director told me to watch my performance on dvd. I thank him lots now.
It is not nice to see what reality is, and it knocked me down. But, I am learning a lot from it.
The best thing I have gained by watching my video was to noticed the fact; I am not as good as I think I was.
There are a few reasons I use to think I was better than I am.
1, The industry I am in, we got to be confident!
2, I often get some good reviews in Danceeurope magazine
Since I watched my self and knowing my self more, I think I have improved as a dancer and as a person.
I started to ask for more help to my colleagues, so I see different point of view and approaches.
I am doing that because I realised that I am not as good as I wanted to be and I am desperate!
Also, I saw my colleagues on the video too, and they are as good and as bad as me!
I started respect them more, because of it. I started to listen to the people more too.
So that was the real befit to me.
From now on, every time I started to think I am better than the others, which I am sure I will! Because I am in performing arts world end of the day. I will recall the memory and the footage of my self on the video. That will make me respect others more and makes me a decent person.
Sounds like I am such a nobhead, but I am actually a nice, friendly person everyone!!!!
I just get confused sometimes ;D
I don't think you are a knobhead! I think you've been very honest about your opinion of yourself and how that is changing through reflection. There is nothing wrong in being confident, as you say, you have top be in this profession! I have felt disappointed in the past when I have heard a recording of my voice, for example, but once we have got over the initial shock, there can be a lot to be gained from self analysis.
ReplyDeleteSometimes with acting, I think an actor may be really 'feeling' something, but if it is not translating to the audience then what is the point? It becomes very self indulgent. As performers, I suppose we must be aware of how the audience see our work from the front?
I look forward to hearing more about your process of reflection.
HI Stephanie.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment.
It is a difficult line of feeling great on stage and being self indulgent as you mentioned.
We always need to aware of how we look from the audience point of view.
However, if we do not enjoy performing on stage, audience will feel the vibe. I guess the balance is the key to the success?
Thank you Stephanie, you make me realise how to look things from different direction.